You ask why? My baby sister is having surgery tomorrow for breast cancer. I feel helpless and it is not a feeling that I am much accustomed to experiencing. I have always been the fix-it person ... the person who wanted to make life easier for my loved ones ... the person who wanted to heal their wounds and protect them. I cannot protect her and it is ripping my guts apart. It is a feeling that I simply cannot put into words. I want to protect her, my brother-in-law, my nephews, and I can't! "I can't" is not my daily language!
Now let us get one thing straight! Just because I am fearful, angry, disillusioned, and going through all the other emotions out there, it does not for one instant take away my faith that God is in control. We know that we know that we know that God is going to pour healing into my sister at some point in this journey. We simply do not know at which leg of the trip He will do so. I started to say that we did not know when He would show up, but that would be so wrong because He is here with us now and has been since day one. If it were not for His presence, we could not show the faith that we have and maintain the peace that is truly deep on the inside of us.
I imagine my admittance of fear makes you wonder about my faith. Fear can be ever present and stand alongside faith. Do you think that Abraham was not fearful when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac? Do you really believe that Abraham just simply said ok and felt no fear? Yet, we know that Abraham was a great man of faith.
As I was reading my Bible, talking out loud to God and questioning all of this, God brought me to the following. It filled me with much needed calm, and I knew He was talking directly to me. God will guide you if you allow Him to do so. This is what He directed me to read: Paul not only taught the joy and peace of the kingdom of God, its power, and its present authority to cause the believer to triumph over evil. He also taught that kingdom people experience trial, suffering, and not always an instant victory. Triumph and victory may characterize the attitude of each citizen of the kingdom of God, and Holy Spirit-empowered authority is given to be applied to realize results. Yet God did not promise life without struggle. The 'dominion' being recovered through the presence of the King within us and ministered by the Holy Spirit's power through us is never taught by the apostles as preempting all suffering. Victory only comes through battle, and triumph only follows trial. Only a weak view of the truth of the kingdom of God pretends otherwise. Another weak view surrenders to negative circumstances on the the proposition that we are predestined to problems and therefore should merely tolerate them. The Bible teaches that suffering, trial, and all order of human difficulty are unavoidable, but God's Word also teaches they may all be overcome. The presence of the King and the power of His kingdom in our lives make us neither invulnerable nor immune to life's struggles. But they do bring the promise of victory, provision in need, strength for the day and healing, comfort, and saving help.
To sum it up, though I am fearful I am FAITHFUL! I know that my sister is going to overcome and we expect nothing less from the God we serve. I ask that all of you declare throughout today ... and in the days to come ... healing for my sister and peace for her family. We do not want doubt, fear, or negative words to deter her healing. Speak only words of faith and start to praise God today for her healing.
Thank you for listening. I needed to unload. One of the most difficult things God has showed me since I gave my life to him almost 17 years ago is that I have to share. I was always the strong one ... I always felt I had to carry my burdens alone, along with everyone else's burdens. I know now that I have a whole family in Christ out there and I am not alone. My Retreat Sisters are such an integral part of me through prayer and I know many others of you are also. God bless you all and I love you!