My husband and I have decided to go separate ways. Though we love each other more than life itself, we have reached a point in our marriage where we simply cannot get over the hurdles in front of us. My husband, praise God, gave his life to the Lord in October. I was so elated as it was years of prayer answered. Then, as Satan will do, he took an innocent heart and led it in the wrong direction. My husband being the kind-hearted man that he is was easily led astray. He became involved in a very legalistic church ... you know, the kind where women are not allowed to wear pants, jewelry or make up. At first we managed to side-step the hurdles as they came, with him worshipping in one church and me worshipping in another. I tried to reach my husband ... convince him to speak with other pastors for guidance ... but he would have no part of it. He would go to church on Saturday night and Sunday nights, and I would go on Sundays. Not only did he put God in a box, but he put a ball and chain around our marriage.
As you all know, I became a Mary Kay consultant in December. My husband was actually at the party with me because they were also surprising me for my birthday. He was encouraging and very complimentary about how nice I looked afterwards. After much prayer, I knew God was leading me on to another path. I spoke with my husband and advised him I wanted to become a consultant. He was fine with it, or if he was not, then he never said any differently. The weekend came and he went to church on that Saturday evening. He returned to advise me that Mary Kay was a sin and he would not allow it in his home. Needless to say, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I realized I could not remain living with my husband as long as he was a part of this church. He has made it very clear he will not give this church up, so here we are.
I am in a fog. What in the world happened? What in the world went wrong? Yesterday it was good and today it is gone. Just like that ... in the twinkle of an eye my world turned upside down. I know many of you know exactly what I mean because you have been there for worse reasons than I am. Let me hear from you. I need encouragement and prayer now more than ever. You are welcome to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am a strong woman and I have always been. Sharing this with you today is so out of the norm for me, but God has so changed my perspective in life. What I considered weak is no longer the case? I need my spiritual family and I am not ashamed to say so. However, some things still have not changed and that is I do not wish to discuss it openly. I can’t right now. Trying to get through a moment at a time without crying like a baby is very difficult. I keep it together for as long as I can, and then I get home and lose it. All I want to do is sleep through it ... wake me when it is over! We all know that feeling ... it is called depression. I have suffered with it a lot in life prior to becoming a child of God’s. Now, because of Him and His Spirit living in me, I desire to rise above it. It is not easy. It is a constant battle.
I will overcome this the same as I have overcome other issues in my life. This too shall pass. Until it does, however, I need constant prayer. I am encouraging myself on this end, so please encourage me through prayer on your end. Pray God will give me the strength to push pass the pain and build my Mary Kay business because I am going to need the income. Pray God will give me the sense of focus I need to get through my regular job because I cannot afford to fall asleep at the wheel and lose it. Pray God will heal my broken heart, help me remember I have a son who needs me very much, help me know I have a daughter who loves me, and I have a family here for me. I am more blessed than most, so pray for God to continually remind me of these things when I am bombarded with pain. Most importantly, pray for God to help me focus on the pain of others and not on myself. When we wrap ourselves up in just our pains in life and it is our only focus, we become so self-serving. I have fought too hard in life to overcome being that person. I have no desire to return.
Lastly, ask God to help me remain strong and not return to my addiction out of weakness. It is right here in front of me continually taunting me, but thus far I have managed to ward it off. Also, pray for my husband. He is a wonderful, decent, kind, and loving man. He has just been led astray by others. I know God can work a miracle and restore what the devil is stealing from us. I walk in faith. Though my plans are to move out, I am not giving up. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you!